Thursday, February 26, 2009

Homer Simpson, Take Notice.

Baby Sister says I write about food too much. This is probably a correct statement, but I am a foodie, what can I say. If she had a blog, it would be about her unlimited series of Projects of the Week. Baby Sister is the poor man’s Martha Stewart. Well, technically the poor man’s Martha Stewart is Rachael Ray, so I guess Lulu is the ghetto welfare version of Martha Stewart. Since Christmas she has totally redecorated her living room. And although some of it was through purchased items, she also:

1. Painted some canvases.
2. Sewed this rocking set of curtains which are royal blue toile bordered with sage green stripes. I realize that this sounds pretty wonky, but it looks very fresh and classy.
3. Decoupaged (Is that a word) some end tables and a bookshelf.

Her apartment looks so cute, you have no idea. Yay, Lulu.

Anyhow, back to food. I don’t care what Baby Sister says, sometimes you see something, and people need to be warned. I saw this picture on a site called “
This is Why You're Fat.”

Looks like those little Edy’s Dibs things right? Everything else on TIWYF is just disgusting and/or pretty much an instant death. Chicken fried bacon dipped in chocolate, anyone? So I was confused as to why Dibs had made the list.

Then I read the caption. Y’all. That is fried Coca-Cola. Now, I will fry just about anything. Fried pickles, onion rings, cube steak. If you can batter it, I’ll eat it, which explains so much about my closet. But this fried dessert thing I just can’t get behind. Have you seen this stuff? Fried candy bars, deep fried Oreos. That’s even more disgusting than the sick & twisted fad of dipping French fries into Frosties. But FRIED COCA-COLA?

A vendor named Gonzales at the Texas State Fair, home of the Corn Dog, was the lucky inventor of this delightfully disgusting delicacy. (Alliteration is fun.) Here is the official description I took from some AP story……” Gonzales deep-fries Coca-Cola-flavored batter. He then drizzles Coke fountain syrup on it. The fried Coke is topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry.”

They were voted second in a food competition at the Texas state fair. I have never been to Great State of Texas, although I have cousins who live there. I am going to have to inquire about the local delicacies around those parts. I think I will stick to frying pickles and tomatoes.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Love and/or Marriage.

So, Valentine’s weekend was lovely. We got some great take-out, grabbed some movies (see below) and had a nice, romantic time at home. Which I felt was totally perfect until I logged on to the Internet today. The first thing I read this morning was a post on Ashley’s Closet about the auctioning off of Michael Jackson’s belongings. I think Neverland Ranch was up for foreclosure at one point, I’m not sure. So, anyhow…….check out what he’s got up for sale!

The Todd got off so easy. Had I known this bad-boy was on the market take out and movies would NOT have cut it. Do you know how much fun this would be? I would have my own personal Zoltar the Magnificent, like that kid in Big who turned into Tom Hanks. In all seriousness, if the Todd came home and said “Hey, Babe….I found $2,000 laying in a puddle. Would you rather have an engagement ring or a life-size fortune teller arcade thing?” the answer would not involve a white dress and a caterer. Y’all would be lined up out my door to hear your future for $1 apiece.

Back in the real world, one of the movies we checked out this weekend was “Fireproof.” And I was really excited to see it, because everyone I know has raved about it. Plus, it has Kirk Cameron, who (as I am sure you know) left the secular world of acting after “Growing Pains” and only does Christian films now. In return for this, God has kept him from aging since 1984. I heard somewhere that the kiss at the end of the movie was filmed in profile because Kirk does not kiss any of his co-stars out of respect for his wife, so they shot it in silhouette so he could really kiss his wife. Now I thought that was pretty awesome, because every time I watch Grey’s I wonder how Patrick Dempsey’s wife stands it. Anyhow, I’m not so sure what I think about the movie, and it’s been percolating in my brain. For those of you who have not seen the film, it’s about marriage as a lifetime commitment, and learning to make it “fireproof.” One of the characters defines this as: “Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.”

I think that’s a wonderful idea, and I totally back the idea of the film. My church is doing the 40-day Love Dare program talked about in the film as a small group right now, which I also think is cool. But I don’t understand where the line is on this. In the movie, the couple had grown apart – pretty fiercely, because at one point ol’ Mike Seaver had me worried he was going to cross over the physical abuse line – but they were able to rebuild their marriage and even improve it, as both of them came to know the Lord. But what happens if there IS physical abuse involved? What about infidelity? Is there a line?

But I guess the film was not written to split hairs as I am doing here. The message was that marriage is not taken seriously these days, and that people who marry should respect that it should be a lifetime commitment. I wholly support their line of thinking.

I think the reason the film struck me is (insert music cue for introspective pondering) that marriage has been on my mind a lot these days. I’ve been getting a lot of “So…when do you think you and the Todd will get married” type of questions, which naturally pile up around Christmas and Valentine’s Day and any gift-giving holiday. This line of questioning sucks harder the older we get, as neither the Todd nor I have any inclination to tie the knot and it gets increasingly hard for people to uinderstand that. But, as I have now passed 30, I spent some time recently examining the issue, and I have found two substantial reasons to get hitched:

Reason #1
My Aunt Marian (who you either have heard or will hear much about) is now in the nursing home full-time and we are trying to get rid of her house. AM has no children. Her last name is Davis. The Todd’s last name is Daniel. This puts a nearly inconceivable amount of stuff with a “D” monogram up for grabs, as none of my female cousins have been smart enough to marry anyone with a matching initial. I mean, we would totally have a full set of anything one can use for entertaining. Except for that we don’t entertain.

Reason #2
People who are married get to use three names on facebook rather than two. I have feelings of inadequacy about my name length.

Let’s ask the expert…..

Zoltar the Magnificent, are monogramming and facebook enough reasons to tether yourself to anyone (no matter how rocking awesome) for eternity?

Zoltar says “My sources say no.”

Whew. I feel better now.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Cupid, Draw Back your Bow....

Check this out: Every day runs a “Today’s Pictures” feature with photos on a daily theme. With Valentine’s Day being this weekend, today’s theme is K-I-S-S-I-N-G, and it’s way cute. This is the opening photo…..(CREDIT: This is obviously not my photo. It was taken by someone from Magnum Photos and I took it from Slate.)

Valentine’s Day gives me a complex. When I was single, I thought actually having someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with would make everything automatically perfect. Oooohhhh, but no. First off, I hate planning things, which is an odd thing for a former event planner to say. It’s not really that I hate to plan things; I really LIKE to plan things….as long as they are not MY things. As far as I go, I’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. The Todd is also a non planner. The only thing he plans ahead of time is a concert. The only thing I plan ahead of time is the release of certain books and/or movies. (Bring it, Harry Potter. July 17th is just around the corner.) What this results in is a serious lack of plans. “We’ll just see what comes up…” often ends in “not a damn thing.” Thus, when I DO plan something, I go all Martha-Stewart on acid and want to make everything picture perfect. There is no possible way for reality to reach half of where my expectations set themselves.

Example: I once planned a picnic for us to go to Callaway Gardens. I borrowed Baby Sister’s huge picnic basket and filled it with things like pate. Do either of us eat pate? Dude. I don’t even eat ketchup.

So you see how Valentine’s Day is problematic for crazy over-the-top Jamie. THIS year, we are getting a TV as our present to each other, but I still want to do SOMETHING. And of course it can’t be just dinner or a movie. Oh, what to do that is both original and fits into our tiny Dave Ramsey budget. (I know you’re thinking “She knows Dave Ramsey and she’s buying a TV?” But what you do not know is that said TV is a used 27” for $100. Dave would SO approve.) So I have to think of something fun.

One unnamed person called me yesterday to ask if I thought it would be sweet or stupid for her to send her man on a scavenger hunt around town winding up at her house for dinner. I told her I thought it was great. Then she called me to ask which new lingerie she should buy. Somebody is getting a GOOD Valentine! I pondered doing something like that for a minute and then realized that if I handed Pete a scavenger hunt clues, he would look at me like, “No, Beavis. Really. Let’s just go grab some steaks.” And as far as lingerie? Girlfriend was grabbing satin and lace, and that just does not work in my world. Pete’s all about the two Lauras…..Ingalls and Ashley. His freak-o grandpa taste used to irritate me, but now I think this is awesome. I can look like I walked out of Sense & Sensibility for the rest of my life, and Pete will think I’m dressing for him. Two birds, one stone.

So now I don’t know what we’ll do. I think this evening I will break out the old Southern Born & Bread cookbook and figure out something fairly easy (and romantic) to cook. Any ideas? Do y’all still go all out for Valentine’s? Are you one of those people who thinks it’s a “greeting card holiday” and don’t celebrate? Do you include people other than your honey? Once, when Chuck the Girl and I were living together, we both found ourselves single as Valentine’s Day rolled around. And on the day itself, one of our good guy friends brought us each a rose. I've always thought that was the sweetest gesture, and it’s always stuck with me, and I know it has with Chuck, too. So there you go, folks. If you can’t figure out what to do for the holiday, go make someone else’s holiday special!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Who made her own blog background and header?

Jamie-freaking-didit, that's who. You may not think this is much of an accomplishment, but you would be sadly mistaken.

So, perhaps later I will actually write a post, but for now you can just feast your eyes upon all the fancy.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Junkies aren't that funny.

So normally I try to be all snarky on my little site here, but I’m about to go serious on y’all. Just a warning.

The VH1 marathon has long been one of my greatest loves. I will watch the most ridiculous, pointless drivel ever produced simply because I can get a whole season in one day. Half an episode of Flava Flav and my whole day is shot. I now harbor illicit feelings for “Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker” and his sexy accent. Thanks, America’s Next Top Model.

In an effort to take back my weekends, I have been avoiding Vh1 like the plague. (Although, are they doing the World Series of Pop Culture any time soon? I want to enter a team called “Lisa Frank and the Rainbows.”) However, I have stumbled across what I think is valid documentary footage hiding between Bret Michaels and Chachi.

My new show,
Sober House, is a continuation of Celebrity Rehab, which I never watched. Dr. Drew, who I have loved ever since he did Lovelines with Adam Corolla, is the host. (OOOH – I just looked Dr. Drew up on Wikipedia, and he won 40 gallons of Sunny D and a year’s supply of Turtle Wax on Wheel of Fortune in 1984. There’s your fun fact for the day.) Sober House takes graduates of the Celebrity Rehab and provides them with a place to live as they ease back into sober living. Hence the title.

I didn’t watch Celebrity Rehab because I really thought it was, well, tacky (for lack of a better word) of VH1 to exploit addicts for my viewing pleasure. And possibly detrimental to the health of the cast. This way lies Danny Bonaduce, you know. But now that I have come across Sober House, it’s the most gripping thing I’ve ever seen, and I think if more people would watch it, the anti-drug movement could learn a few things.

Jamie’s Soapbox A: Sober living itself is a topic not often covered in the mass media. Rehab is covered, and covered, and covered some more. In fact, I think rehab has become a topic most people just tune out, it’s become a joke because so many celebrities (as well as “regular” people) walk through various treatment centers as if they had revolving doors. I think part of the reason treatment works for so few people is the absence of focus on sober living. The massive task of attaining sobriety in a rehabilitative facility is so easily ruined upon completion of the program because the patient often winds up trying to fit his new sobriety into his old life, old job, old friends, etc. Part of the last Sober House episode followed the cast members as they attempted to go clubbing in LA while sober. And they were just LONGING to get wasted. It was a constant temptation for them, and I’m not sure some of them didn’t have a few drinks, at least. Imagine how much harder it would have been for them without having the safety and the structure of the Sober House as a return destination. That’s a recipe for disaster. I think many addicts would have a better chance at recovery given the intermediate step provided by VH1 for the Sober House cast members.

Jamie’s Soapbox B: The Sober House folks are not playing around. They aren’t editing for censors. Well, I mean, they probably ARE editing for censors, but that only means there is some truly unbelievable stuff going on behind the camera, because the events they are showing are pretty harsh. The second focus of last week’s episode was Steven Adler, who I think was actually kicked out of Guns ‘N Roses for drug abuse. Do you realize how solidly blitzed you would have to be to have AXL ROSE kick you out the door? Axl Rose??? Adler not only showed up at the Sober House high and was found with drugs on his person, he then snuck in some more dope and proceeded to get trashed, resulting in an arrest. Adler was beyond trashed. He was obliterated. He was rude, belligerent, and wholly out of his mind. I think the Drug Free advertising folks need to be in on this. I think the reality of what you look like when you are obliterated is much more likely to push people away from the line or the needle than a kitschy ad campaign. There’s a commercial running against cigarettes right now with a cowboy singing “No you don’t always die from tobacco” through his Stephen Hawking fake-voice box. Has this made me put down the Camel Lights? No. I think much of the addict population feels the same way as the infamous “this is your brain…this is your brain on drugs…..any questions?” ad campaign from several years ago, and all the ones that followed it. The way to keep people from becoming junkies is not to make a sly ad poking as much fun at the situation as it does preach about it. The way to keep people from becoming addicts is to make them realize that this is what being an addict is: (I got this from VH1)

Your brain on drugs is not a frying pan and an egg. Your brain on drugs is Steven Adler.

Monday, February 2, 2009

A lil' survey action.

When I started this blog, I had the thought in my head that I wouldn’t do these surveys, because I am hopelessly addicted to them and I was afraid this would become one long list of blog surveys. However, Simple Yet Classic has tagged me, as one of her new blog followers, so I think it might be okay….this one time! Here we go:

Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag—eight other un-tagged people.

1. What were you doing and who were you with at 9:59 PM on Friday night?
-- Sick, sick, sick. Probably laying on my couch reading and watching a Grey’s rerun while mainlining Nyquil.

2. What is the last thing you read/are currently reading?
-- Why is everyone reading Twilight? Apparently I am the only person not to really like it. I hoped it was going to be Harry Potter for Vampires, but instead, I thought I had picked up a Halloween themed Sweet Valley High book. At the moment, I am reading the
Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon for the 43,000th time. And I can tell you now that if you look them up on Amazon, you are going to think I am absolutely insane. There is no way to describe the series without making it sound like a cheese-fest, but it is not. Just take my word for it. They have been through my entire office, and we were fighting over who would get the next installment first.

3. Do you nap a lot?
-- Nope. It gives me a headache, and it drives me insane that the Todd will take a nap given the slightest chance.

4. Who was the last person you hugged?
-- Ew. I was sick all weekend. I can’t remember the last person I hugged, but if I could I would make them pay me back for all the Nyquil and Orange Juice I drank over the weekend thanks to the funk they gave me.

5. What is your current obsession/addiction?
-- Digital scrapbooking. It’s a sickness. Right now I am in mourning because all the designers who post freebies on their sites are slowly realizing they can sell them instead.

6. What is your first childhood memory?
-- Going with mom to the OBGYN’s when she was preggers with Baby Brother. Not the gross part, just being at the Dr.’s office.

7. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
-- Facebook, Blogger, and our company website.

8. What was the last item you bought?
-- Nyquil, natch.

9. What is your secret guilty pleasure movie?
Peggy Sue Got Married. Don’t laugh. You would be amazed at the folks in that movie who later became very, very famous. Check that link.

10. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished- anywhere in the world, where would it be?
-- I was just reading something about Maine the other day. The coast of Maine. So this week, I would live in a restored lighthouse on the coast of Maine. Much like the family in
Pete’s Dragon.

11. Favorite Vacation spot?
-- Walt Disney World. I would go to Walt Disney World as often as the Todd takes naps if it were possible. In fact, forget the Maine coast. Can I live in Cinderella’s castle? Because that would be sweet.

12. Say something to the person who tagged you:
-- Simple Yet Classic: Can’t wait until those letters start appearing in the Etsy shop. Everyone I know is pregnant and they’re all getting one.

13. Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you:
-- Camel lights.

14. What is your favorite item of clothing?
-- I had this great cream dress with a black lace overlay once upon a time when I was smaller. It was very modern flapper and I wish I could get in it again. I think I wore it to one wedding, ate a piece of wedding cake and it no longer fit.

15. What would your American Gladiator name be and why?
-- Do I have to pick a new one? I always wanted to be Lace back in the day. Can I just take her spot? It was all about Lace and Nitro.

16. Name one thing you cannot live without:
-- Books, obviously. I can’t go without reading.

17. Has a celebrity's haircut ever influenced you on your own hairstyle?
-- I did have The Rachel at one time and I loved it. There have also been several occasions when I thought I could have Lisa Rinna’s hair and was quickly reminded why it was not possible. I get serious short hair envy all the time.

18. If you could pick one ingredient in a mojito that best represents you what would it be and why?
-- Isn’t there mint in a mojito? I would be all about the mint, and then I would put it in some sweet tea.

And I am tagging all 6 of my followers, along with Brett over at The Eakin Family, because I know she’ll read this. Sooo…..
Mrs. Comerford, The Belle, Layne Street, Savannah Redtop, Tara at Waiting on the World to Change and The Reality of Happily Ever After. That way I’m only 1 short of the 8-tag goal.