As a woman who really stays as far from the political game as possible, I feel the need to write about it now that everything is over and there is no point in it anymore. You know, so the American people can hear my thoughts. Somebody call Anderson Cooper.
Actually, did y’all see him last night? He used to be so hot! When did he turn into a plastic grey-haired Ken doll? (Credit: Nicole) He and Val Kilmer must hang out because he, too, has lost the hotness. I think Val’s face is actually melting. Anyhow, back to Anderson Cooper, because he does get points for talking to folks on a HOLOGRAM. Life continues to mimic the Jetsons. Next stop: flying cars.
Okay – first of all, I tried to semi-follow this election, which is unusual for me. I checked snopes.com to make sure I was up to date on who was/was not wearing flag pins. I even watched TWO debates AND the Democratic National Convention with Angie and Brenton, her rabid Hillary-loving boyfriend. (Thatnks, Dr. Brenton. I will never get those hours back.) Never, during any debate, did I hear a clear plan. Lots of rhetoric, no reasoned discourse. Much like when I say I am trying to lose weight. I still eat french fries and don’t exercise, but by golly I am TRYING!
After the debates, I decided it was time to take the lead on this search for truth. So I began a little investigation to see how these candidates were going to help ME. Not the country, but me as an American woman. Because I am selfish like that. Plus, unmarried, middle-class, 30ish women with gainful employment are the black hole of the American political system. I didn’t care about McCain’s POW experience. Whoa, there. It’s valiant and honorable and I thank him for his service to the country, but I wanted to hear about what he plans to do today. I also did not care about Obama’s relationships with his mother – or his father, or whoever his books were about. I DID care that Hillary Clinton is in league with the Devil, so thank goodness we were spared that much.
Where, you ask, did I find my political information? An unbiased (or as unbiased as possible, McCain’s pro-life and anti-gay stances are never popular in the media, nor with me) interview with both candidates actually posing questions pertinent to women and putting the answers in print?
Glamour Magazine. No fooling. That's a link to the article, lest you think I am full of it.
So, long story short (too late!) I voted early for John McCain. Even though I don’t agree with everything he said.
But, now that it’s all over, here are the things I hope President-Elect Obama can make happen for me. Call it my three-pronged plan.
1. This whole “No Child Gets Ahead” thing blows. If you want my full diatribe on the values of leveling, see me privately. Personally, I think your first step should make the following titles required reading before age 6: Curious George Goes to the Hospital, Where The Wild Things Are, The Lorax, The Giving Tree, and The Berenstain Bears and the New Baby. Just a thought.
2. Please mandate that all holiday decorations not be displayed for purchase until after the preceding holiday is over. This sanction should not apply to Cadbury Eggs, which should be available year-round. (**EDIT: That link is to an x-entertainment article that, though I find it hilarious, is pretty nasty-humored. Read at your own risk.)
3. Get me a pony. Maybe even a unicorn. I’ve been waiting on that for years.